


Love

by Causa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4290438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Causa/pseuds/Causa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pearl, what's it like to be in love?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Steven."

"What's it like to be in love?"

The gem blushed deeply and her eyes clouded with wisps of wistfulness until she blinked suddenly and looked to him. "Wh—Why do you ask?"

A bit of pink ruddied his clear, gentle face. "Well, I'm not sure if—if I know, and it's all I think about now when I see Garnet."

Pearl made a small hum, as if to signal to him that his curiosity was the proper kind, the kind acceptable to one of his age and experience.

"Well, Steven," she began, "the chemical reactions are relatively complex; the primary chemicals involved are oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine. Humans in particular tend to react to the experience as though—"

"Pearl," he said in an amused whine, "that's not what I meant."

The gem crossed her arms, a faint blush in her cheeks. "What _did_ you mean, Steven?"

"I mean, what does it feel like? Because—" his face became redder "—I think I might be in love with Connie."

"St—Steven, you're far too young to—"

"Well, how old were you when you met my mom?"

"Wh…What makes you say that?"

"Well, if you were only a few thousand years old then it's kind of the same as me being my age," he said with a shrug.

Pearl shook her head. "You think—You think we—I—ah—"

She felt heat creep up her back to her throat and choke her with an angry, forceful grip; her body's only defense were convulsions that presented themselves in fits of giggles and she was aware of her dissolution into nervous laughter as memories cycled in her rushing mind and she looked into Steven's perplexed eyes.

"A—Are you okay, Pearl?"

"Fine! I'm fine," she said, breaths evening, grip on her throat loosening slightly. "Steven, I don't want you to think of your mother—and me—as…as—"

She sighed, lowering her eyes. "We're speaking speculatively, here—do you understand?"

Steven shook his head while nodding. Pearl felt a pleasant warmth spread from her stomach to her fingertips as she glanced to the picture of his mother above them; her hair looked shimmering and her skin radiant, but the colors in the picture were muted and dull when compared to the woman she saw in her memories.

"It's wonderful, Steven," she breathed. "There's nothing more motivating, or pleasant, or—terrible."

"I don't understand," said Steven.

Pearl recalled feeling the sweat that dripped down her breathless and trembling body as she and Rose stood before each other in the arena; she could not feel her fingers and had transfixed her eyes on her blade to ensure it had not dropped to her feet.

_  
"I don't want you to push yourself, Pearl."_

_"I—not at all! I can keep going, Rose."_

_Her hearty laugh invigorated Pearl; she felt some light and foreign energy fill her. "Well, I can't!" Her smile made Pearl feel like she was floating. "And there's no need—you've shown me how much you've improved. I'm so proud of you."_

"She's— _they're_ \-- so amazing and you want to show her that you can be, too—you want to earn the love she's giving you—make her—make _them_ —proud of you."

The feeling she got when Rose smiled at her, or when she felt her warmth on her skin—that needed little explanation.

"When you're with her you feel content. You could sit beside her forever."

"What's terrible about that?" said Steven.

"Well—"

_Disappointing yourself is one thing, but disappointing her—to see her eyes turn dark before they turn away from you and you wonder if she'll ever look at you again because the sadness in her eyes, the disgust—you'd never seen anything like that before. So when she smiles at you again you feel the will to live coming back—it's proof that you're not so horrible, that you can be redeemed, that you don't have to navigate the shadowy corners of life scared and alone because she is there for you, to be your light and your comfort—until you mess up again. Then you want to shatter into pieces in an explosion of all your frustrations and get buried under the cold earth where you stay there forever. But you can't, so you do what you can—keep your distance so you can't disappoint her again. Because you will. Because she is your comfort and you've come to rely on her, so when she is not there for you to cling to you burst into raw nerves and flames that fizzle out in hot tears that melt your face into something pitiful and disgusting. And she sees it all and you are so ashamed. You decide to hide from her. But you overhear her laugh and it coaxes you out. Then you see her looking at you with gentle, happy eyes. And all the attachment you stomped into the ground came rushing back up inside you, as it is never buried deeply no matter how hard you had tried. Then everything is easy and simple and beautiful again—until he shows up._

"Anything that intense is bound to be—uncomfortable, sometimes," she said. 

"I think I understand," Steven said slowly with a nod. "I think I might be in love." 

"Oh, Steven," Pearl said, kneeling down and placing her hands on his shoulders; his eyes were bright and excited. "Steven, you're so kind, and sweet, and— _young_. Don't fall in love—I'd hate for you to get your heart broken." 


End file.
